5.
Performance
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‘Thresholds’, a live performance, which first expression took place at South London Gallery as part of a Research Festival titled ‘Unresolve‘, embraces my search for vulnerability by placing myself and my emotions in front of an audience and address the shame we face while showing emotionality towards others and even ourselves. Putting on a strong, cold face every day while internally facing the struggles of a human experience takes lifelong conditioning and energy, but unlearning these standards and unleashing the stuck feelings we have been holding back all our lives by addressing them and feeling right through them takes even more strength.
Video documentation of nail board practice.
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My practice towards acceptance is a process with a learning curve and so is my research conected to it, that I want to showcase to the audience directly. The performance visualises the contrast between the outside and inside of my emotional experience, where the outside is portrayed by my live body in the space, standing still and unexpressive while standing on a Sadhu board, or nail board, penetrating all the pressure points in the soles of my feet. Behind the point of mastering stillness in this situation lies a journey of practice, a journey of crying, laughing, cursing, building experience and mental as well as physical stamina, but all behind closed doors in the comfort of my own solitude. This practice is documented, showing each step of progression and then edited and projected onto my real and finally still body during the performance.
Moments of strong emotional release extracted from video documentation
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This practice of standing on the nail board is not harmful but takes lots of adaptation and habitude to master. The beginning is painful and unusual, releasing lots of tension within many parts of the body at once, and then more slowly as we get used to it. The released tension exits the body through intense emotions. These strong emotions that need releasing are exactly what I want to focus on, to feel through them and accept them.
As my artistic research is based around self-development and regulation, the journey and process again become more important than the visuality of my art. Where self becomes art, it is important to mention that my process of self-practice (whether that is meditation, or reflection, or gaining psychological perspective) would not exist without my art, and there would be no art without my self-practice.